'The Simpsons' Quotes

“Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.”-Matt Groening, "Life in Hell"“Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life be without it?”-Matt Groening, The Simpsons“All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?' I'm trying to impress

Blonde Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?A: The blonde works in the dark! Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?A: The joystick is wet. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?A: Her ankles. Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?A: "Have another beer." Q: What do

Little Johny Jokes

Little Johnny's father said, "let me see your report card."Johnny replied, "I don't have it.""Why not?" His father asked."My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."Little Johnny once asked his teacher "Do hearts have legs?."The teacher answered "Why do you ask that?"Johnny replied "Yesterday, I heard my dad say sweetheart open your legs."Little Johnny came running into the house

Santa Banta Jokes

Santa falls in luv with a nurse… After much thinking, he finallywrites a love letter to her: “I luv u sister.” Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The stearing, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat. Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mothertongue.?Santa: Very long!

Short Funny Jokes

Q: What do you do when your wife's staggering?A: Shoot her again. Q: What is the difference between a Virgin and a washing machine?A: The washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load in it! Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky?A: Erotic = using a feather Kinky = using the whole chicken Q: What is the difference between a

Cool Sayings

"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time."- Chuck Palahnuik (author Fight Club)"Live life to the fullest."-Ernest Hemingway"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save."-Will Smith"The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions."-Alfred Adler"The happiest moments of my life have been the few

Clever Quotes

"Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. ""The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music. ""Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.""Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

Graffiti

• Men are like vacations...They never seem to last long enough• I believe in safe sex...I've got a handrail around the bed • Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?• I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight• You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me • All those who proclaim that dog is man's best friend, have evidently not played with a

The Best of Jerry Seinfeld

I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him? It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you’ll wind up naked. You know you're