Blonde Jokes

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator?A: The blonde works in the dark! Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer?A: The joystick is wet. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?A: Her ankles. Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?A: "Have another beer." Q: What do

Little Johny Jokes

Little Johnny's father said, "let me see your report card."Johnny replied, "I don't have it.""Why not?" His father asked."My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."Little Johnny once asked his teacher "Do hearts have legs?."The teacher answered "Why do you ask that?"Johnny replied "Yesterday, I heard my dad say sweetheart open your legs."Little Johnny came running into the house

Santa Banta Jokes

Santa falls in luv with a nurse… After much thinking, he finallywrites a love letter to her: “I luv u sister.” Santa phoned his wife: I am not coming home. The stearing, dash board, gears of car have been stolen.After sometime he calls again: I am coming, earlier I sat on the back seat. Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mothertongue.?Santa: Very long!

Short Funny Jokes

Q: What do you do when your wife's staggering?A: Shoot her again. Q: What is the difference between a Virgin and a washing machine?A: The washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you dump a load in it! Q: What's the difference between erotic and kinky?A: Erotic = using a feather Kinky = using the whole chicken Q: What is the difference between a

Victory Quotes

“Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity.”- Horace Mann “Defeat may serve as well as victory to shake the soul and let the glory out.”- Edwin Markham “Force is all-conquering, but its victories are short-lived.”- Abraham Lincoln “In war there is no substitute for victory.”- Douglas MacArthur “The best victory is when the opponent surrenders of

Graduation Quotes

“A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.”- Robert Orben “You are educated. Your certification is in your degree. You may think of it as the ticket to the good life. Let me ask you to think of an alternative. Think of it as your ticket to change the world.”-

Beauty Quotes

"Beauty is unbearable, drives us to despair, offering us for a minute the glimpse of an eternity that we should like to stretch out over the whole of time."- Author Unknown "Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not."- Ralph Waldo Emerson "Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in, where nature

Sad Quotes

“No more truth. Bells ring no more in me. I am all alone singly. Lonely rests my head. O my God! I am dead.”- Jose Garcia Villa “I'm so lost without you. Feeling lonely, scared & cold. I'm so lost without you. Tell me baby, when are you coming home?”- From the song LOVE NEVER DIES by ROCH VOISINE “We enjoy warmth because we have been cold.We appreciate light because we have

Cool Sayings

"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time."- Chuck Palahnuik (author Fight Club)"Live life to the fullest."-Ernest Hemingway"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save."-Will Smith"The chief danger in life is that you may take too many precautions."-Alfred Adler"The happiest moments of my life have been the few

Clever Quotes

"Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. ""The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music. ""Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.""Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

Anniversary Sayings

“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk

Birthday Sayings

“Youth is happy because it has the ability to see beauty. Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old.”- Franz Kafka “I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing “Happy Birthday”."- Author Unknown “There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents ... and only one for birthday presents, you know. “-

Family sayings

“I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich.”- Dan Wilcox and Thad Mumford, "Identity Crisis," M*A*S*H “It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons.”- Johann Schiller “The family is a haven in a heartless world.”- Attributed to Christopher Lasch “Nobody has ever before asked the nuclear family to live all by itself in a box the

Friendship Sayings

"True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."- Charles Caleb Colton "Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."- Anais Nin "My friends are my estate."- Emily Dickinson "A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the

Graffiti

• Men are like vacations...They never seem to last long enough• I believe in safe sex...I've got a handrail around the bed • Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?• I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight• You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me • All those who proclaim that dog is man's best friend, have evidently not played with a

The Best of Jerry Seinfeld

I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him? It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. What is a date really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you’ll wind up naked. You know you're