JUST TO HEAR YOU SAY...

Where are you?

I call... but no answer.

I search.. but no find.

I'm here. All alone. Broken.

To expect otherwise would be foolish of me.

to think that you'd be here... with me.. right now? No way.

I hurt you. I disappointed you. I wronged you.

I knew that I would face you.

What I didn't know was how hard it would be.

....and I'm still here. All alone. Broken.

You promised to always love me,

but right now, its the hardest thing I'm going to have to accept.

you said you won't give me more than I can handle,

and at this moment I'm wishing you didn't trust me so much.

Our relationship... that's blown.

Our love... that's been thrown.

And all I see of me through you right now... it's all unknown.

...and I'm still here. All alone. Broken.

They stare at me and judge me.

they haven't been where I've been.

But when I reach for you to come and save me,

The emptiness I feel from your absence is the void my fingers find.

I feel unworthy of your grace, undeserving of your beauty,

Your mercy is not for me, and your embrace could never be.

...and I'm still here. All alone. Broken.

Then at your feet you bring me... you desire a drink from my well.

How could you? Why should you? Why DO you?

It's impure... it's dirty... it's full of my failures and mistakes

It's all the things I wanna keep buried, 

your image on which I've drawn a permanent stain.

So I step back... holding tight to my bucket,

And under my breath I remind myself: my well is not fit to quench your thirst.

...and I'm still here. Not alone. But Broken.

Now you tell me it's not about your thirst but about mine.

I'm hungry for forgiveness, for peace and living water

but I'm not letting go of this bucket that can take out the misery and pain.

You tell me you want my burden, you tell me you want my hurt

You tell me you've seen my desperation, 

and remind me that I'm not dirt.

Your attempts to get me to let go of what I cling to

are convincing when you say that's the only way to get what I seek.

...and I'm still here. Not Alone. Still Broken.

Broken because you shouldn't love me... but you do.

Amazed because I don't deserve another chance, but you give it anyway.

Confused because I couldn't be a greater disappointment...

But that's when you look in my eyes, and say your grace is sufficient.

I'm defeated in my being... struggling deep down within, 

But you hold me and tell me that I could be nothing, but your child.

...and I'm still here. Not alone. And whole.

So let me run and get the others! 

That have wells just like I do,

That hold tight to their buckets, and bury the shame they've been.

Let them feel where you've touched me, and see what you've shown me.

Let them have what you've given me...

....Let them become what you've made me!!

Cause we all need this; to be at your feet, and receive forgiveness and peace.

To hold your hand, and feel your heart. 

To just hear you say... 

"You'll always be here. Never Alone. 

And because I'm here, You'll always be whole."

I wrote this for those of you who've done things that you feel like God can't forgive you for. "Jesus doesn't care what you've done before..." Just remember, you have to be willing to give it all up, and forgive yourself too. :-)

That is just to hear you say... as i do it.

~***shanpepe***~