Dear Grand Pa,
As i sit and write this letter, tears stream down my eyes... and i don't even know where to start. I remember all those times when we sat and played at your feet...when you'd hug me so lovingly and call me your child... when you'd make those funny statements or call words in a funny way. i miss all those times we shared. I'm going to miss going home to see you. I'm going to miss you asking your wives to make us all the delicacies when we came to visit. I'm going to miss going to see you empty handed and coming back with something. I'm going to miss all the little things you did for us when we accomplished significant goals in our lives...
Above all grandpa, I'm going to miss the very last time i saw you... since i got the one call that i'd been dreading for so long, the call that said that you had left me for a better place, i'd been replaying the last time i saw you. I walked into your room, and sick as you were, you sat up, with all the joy on your face... you brightened up like a lost star who had just found its shine Your eyes shined with that overwhelming joy and happiness that grandchildren bring.. You hugged me, and held my hand, and looked like you were in a cloud of glory... It wasnt just you that was happy grand pa. it was me too. I stared in your eyes and i saw hope. That kind of hope that was willing to fight its sickness... the kind of hope that was grateful for each day that it lived. The kind of hope that said how thankful it was even without words... It brightened my day... it made smile... it gave me peace... the kind of hope that said God's not done with me yet.
When i shut the door behind me that day, i had no idea that would be the last time I'd see that promising hope, or watch a lost star find its shine... I would love to ask questions.. many questions grand pa... like why you had to be sick.. like why i had to be soooo far away... like why you had to leave me... like why... why you had to die... But i won't. Because you tasted it all... If it was the suffering and pain of this cruel world, you surely got a bite. if it was the joy and overwhelming happiness and peace, you surely got to taste that too. If it was the blessing of children and grandchildren, you got that in abundance! and yes grand pa, If it was the bitterness and excruciating pain of sickness and disease, you tasted that too.
I know we weren't like paper and glue, but you taught me soo much. Your strength and positive faith held it together till the giver of all life decided it was time to relieve you of your earthly duties... Yes, i cried..and i still do. because if i knew that was the last day i'll see you, id've spent all the time that the world had to give with you. id've reminded you of how much this heart really loves you... how much this heart prayed for your recovery and how much this heart wished that you would be on your feet again. Sometimes God answers no... not because he doesnt love us, but because he loves us way too much to let us go through more pain.
When i asked my brother how you looked as a corpse, he said this in reply.. "He looked peaceful"... You just made my day grandpa. If ever you were going to leave, i wanted you to leave in peace... I know it was a very very rough journey getting to that point of never ending peace, but when i think of where you could be now, I smile and tell myself it was all worth it.I look at the timeline, and God knows that there is only one thing i would change. If given the chance, I would show you more how much i'd loved you. I would hold your hand and say a prayer... I would sit at your feet and ask you tell me stories again.. or one more story... one last time. But i can't, and its okay... cause when we meet again, we'll start alllllll over. and this time grand pa, I promise to get it right.
I loved you, and I still love you... and even though you're probably sitting right beside me reading this with your hand upon my shoulder, and a smile on your face, i want to let you know that i miss you... i miss you very much... and remember that hope? the one that made me smile... and that shine? the one that your lost star found... Keep those grandpa... Hold them tight. cause I'm going to need them someday.
Finally, i hate to end this letter, and if i didn't have school work or studying to do, i'd go on for forever. before i drop this pen, there's one more thing im going to have to ask of you...
REST IN PEACE.... TILL I GET TO SEE YOU... AGAIN...
"Peace that passes all understanding... You've become comforter to me"...
With a heavy heart, but gratitude to God,
Your grand daughter,
Serumun.
Thats the letter to my late grand dad... as i do it...
~***shanpepe***~
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