...that a lot of times you say how pathetic a situation is until you get to be in it yourself. Am I guilty? Yes, yes, I am; and if you're asking what the pathetic situation is, let's just say that "I'm still in love with Judas baby". If you get it, good for you, and if you don't, well, try harder next time.
It's been a long summer... long enough for me to learn a lot of things about myself... good, bad, and in between. I realised that I really like coconut and pineapple juice mixed; that I cannot stand things that sit awkwardly on a surface; that I'm a sucker for good looking hair (lie..i've kinda always known that); that sometimes I actually like short nails better than long ones; that you dont just walk into any salon in Abuja cause you might end up paying through your nose; that I may still have feelings for my ex; that I have tendencies of being arthritic in the future; that I really missed the studio more than I thought I did... many many things. Meaningless and meaningful alike. But there are two things that stood out.
First off, I can never be perfect. Every perfectionist reading this will understand the struggle we face coming to terms with the fact that no matter how good we are, we cannot be perfect. I make mistakes and forget important stuff. I tell myself I won't do something, and I end up not only doing it, but doing it with excess. I take days, weeks, months, to make up my mind about something, and then it takes me just one second to completely change my mind again. It's not easy dealing with the fact that I cannot be perfect, but it's a lot more than just my imperfection. Sometimes I put soo much pressure on myself to be perfect, that I forget to be me. I forget that I don't chose what happens to me. I forget that I don't get to chose what I can and cannot feel. I forget that I can't always plan perfectly, because I don't know tomorrow. I've had to learn to let myself live life, and not try to make it all perfect, because perfection? That's just not me. When I trip on a stone and fall? Now that's me. When I let myself believe, trust, and love again after I've said I wouldn't? That's me. When I plan my day and forget to do something important? That's me. My imperfection is what makes me who I am, and instead of detesting that imperfect part of me, I'm learning to embrace it.
Secondly, I know what I'm worth. It's not like I haven't known all long, but sometimes you just need a little incident to remind you of just how much. Now I'm not going to say my reminder came from a little incident, but hey, we all walk this same road of life, and yet none has an indentical story. But yeah, some bumps, n roller coasters along this path of summer have made me realise that I am worth something that no one can ever take away from me. I don't need an angel to drop from heaven to upgrade my self esteem. Someone told me this summer, "You've transitioned from fitting in to standing out, and I see you!". Belee dat! There are some things I won't do, some behaviours I won't engage in, some games I won't play, because I know that I'm worth much more than they can offer. This is real life, and there comes a time when you have to stop trusting your heart and trust your head, because your head puts things in logical perspective, and helps you make the decisions of which balls to throw and which to keep.
But you see, I only figured out these things because I ended up in those same situations that I once sat in my chair and called pathetic. So what I'm just saying is. Before you sit down next time to judge some situation that someone ended up in, remember to tell yourself that they are learning lessons that you may never be able to learn until to get to where they've been... PATHETIC PLACES. *wideeee smile*
Replace the word pathetic if you like. Only with a synonym though. *shrug*
That's all about uhhh, what is it? ...as i do it.
~***shanpepe***~
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