...and you didn't read wrong.
I've been thinking about writing this blog for a while now, but i couldn't exactly make out what i wanted to write. As i sat back today and watched desperate housewives, i figured i would just write as it came... but that wasn't the only thing i figured. I figured that everyone, in one way the other in life, ...is desperate.
Mhmm... desperate... you are desperate... and if its any consolation to you, i am too... lol... if you have a rather low level of analysis, then you're probably sitting in your chair thinking - this girl is nuts. Theres no way im desperate. and if you're a guy, you're probably sipping on your coffee thinking - this is just another one of those naiive writers. Sorry to disappoint you, but im about to say it again. We are all desperate, and that 'we'? yes hunny. it includes you.
I've watched sooo many things happen in the 20 years that lived, and its pretty clear to me, that there is a lot we are yet to get control over. One of those things that we usually allow to overtake us, but by all mens need control over is our emotions. not very long ago, i wrote a song, and the last line in one of one of the verses went like this :- "emotions playing my enemy".
There are so many reasons why we get so desperate... - you're desperate because you have a cheating boyfriend - desperate for fidelity. You have an ex you're trying to get over, when you both know you're stuck on each other - desperate for an end. You're waiting for that text message or that call that never comes - desperate for a reply. You're waiting for your roommate to finally say its okay that you messed her stuff up - desperate for peace. You're fighting with your friend over flimsy stuff - desperate for reconciliation. You are the fat one among all your model figure slim friends - desperate for beauty. You're the one getting the d's on all the tests - desperate for success. All your friends have them a man, and it makes you uncomfortable that you don't - desperate for love.
As i watched the housewives today, i realised how each of them was clearly dealing with desperation, and how everyone faces it somehow. The point is, these desperations make us do certain things. Sometimes we realise that we are desperate, and we accept it, and therefore control what we do about it. Other times, we do not realise that our actions are a reflection of our desperation... not because we dont know that we are desperate, but because we dont want to admit it.
I've spent a lot of my life in desperation... even up until recently... my professor gave y a 19 out of 25 on a podcast, and tells me thats a good grade. Im desperate for success, i dont get C's. at least my 3.8 g.p.a and my transcript say that much. the moment i give into getting C's, and accept one C grade, thier never gon stop coming. My grand pa just died a few weeks ago, and if youve been following my blog, youve prolly read about that - ... im desperate for comfort. (yes, i still think of him, and cry..) I'm struggling in school.. being so far away from home and family, and trying to get a good education. - im desperate for a good and secure future. Of course im human too.. so im desperate for love, emotional satisfaction, acceptance, all that.
There are soo many things im desperate for.. but theres one thing above all else, that im desperate for... one thing i want... not because i can live with it, but because i cant live without it. One thing i dont want to go a day without... Im desperate... desperate for Jesus.
Here's what im saying.. we are all very desperate for different things, and its okay to admit them.. Im not saying stand on the roof of your house and gather a crowd just to scream to them that youre desperate for a job or for a man... you'll probably be stoned till you bleed... hehe. At least, admit them to yourself, and coe to terms with the fact that youre desperate for a lot. But while you put that into perspective, remember that its important to prioritize. Don't put your desperation for meaningless things before your desperation for important things. I have admitted that im desperate... not just to myself, but to the world as well... you're prolly not the only person reading this. But at the top of my priority list is God. I'm desperate for God, and every other thing comes after that..
So ask yourself the question... what are you desperate for?? and in what order have you put your desperations?? the actions you make everyday are a reflection of those desperations.. and believe it or not, it is clear to the world when you have misplaced priorities... trust me, there are people watching you.. everyday day that you live, and every step that you take... either because they like you and want to be like you, or because they hate you, and want to mess you up.. dont give your haters something to pick up on... #justsaying.
Its totally okay to be desperate, as long as you're desperate for the right reasons, and know how to control your actions when you realise that youre desperate for the wrong ones.
oh well... guess its time to go now...
thats all about desperation... as i do it..
~***shanpepe***~
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