Dear Stranger,
I'm not sure I have a lot to say to you. Sometimes I tell myself that if I ever saw you again, I would spit at your feet, and curse the day you were born. Other times I'm pretty convinced that I would run right back into your arms and find the solace that I long for right about now.
This may not have been a very appropriate way to start this, but I wonder if you think about how appropriate things are at all. I bother myself thinking about how much I wanted things to be perfect, not knowing that you didn't even care at all. Yes, it hurts. It hurts knowing that I invested so much of my time in getting to know you... so much of my time into our friendship... so much of my time into shaping us into one "people". It hurts that you led me on thinking we had one of the best friendships, and then left me halfway. It hurts just thinking about you.. but even more, thinking about the parts of our lives that we shared. It is disappointing knowing that you would easily walk away from something like this, and not feel anything at all.
I hate the way life sometimes makes it seem like everyone thinks and feels like me. I wish you wouldn't be so numb to the emotions this creates, but they say that if wishes were horses, even the poor would ride. I prayed for the lasting of our friendship, but I guess even God has his days when he says no. I hoped for it to just be one of the storms that we had to get past, but some storms really drown deep. I wish I could, for just one day, tell what you were thinking, or even guess how you were feeling and be right... because I've never seen a beautiful red rose suddenly turn black.
A lot of the times, or maybe even EVERY TIME, I walk around acting like I don't care, because that's just what we do yeah? It weighs heavily on my back because I want reasons why, but I have to keep my head up and not put out my shine. I have to walk around with the smile that shields all the emotions already bottled up inside ready to explode. I will agree that I live each new day acting like it doesn't matter to me, when in all reality, I want to shoot you a text, or even hit the 'send' button on the already written skype message. It's hard enough thinking about how we ended up at this dead end, but it is even worse remembering who you used to be. Every time my mind starts going down that lane, I want to pick the mirror and smash it right into the wall; a significance of my brokenness from your walking away.
I don't even know if i'm mad at you, or if I can even be, because Que sera sera - What will be.. will be. That our friendship no longer is, means it wasn't meant to be. I just want you to know that while it lasted, it was the sweetest thing I tasted. The sun chose to set on us, and that's totally fine, because in as much I hurt from all this put me through, I want you to be happy, and if your happiness doesn't lie in our friendship, then I have to deal with that, and move on. You meant the world to me, and still do. But for walking away the way you did, I'll save the crown for someone who deserves my friendship better than you EVER did.
However, I'll make the one true confession that my soul bleeds to reveal.
I miss you.
Goodbye... stranger.
Please remain a stranger to me. FOREVER. :]
...thats all about MY stranger.. as i do it.
~***shanpepe***~
