MY STRANGER II

Dear Stranger,
...It's me. Again.
This time however, it's a much bigger and deeper cut. I'd love to say that I know where to start, but with you, there's never really a beginning... or an end. There's just always a more than complicated "in-between". A lot of times, I wish that it wasnt as complicated as it always is. This time, the straw broke the camels back.
     I need vocabulary more than I have to be able to express these feelings. They're more than even my mind can comprehend, and it's totally unreal. I don't even get me anymore. I don't recognise this person I am when it comes to you. I tell myself that I cannot do certain things, and when I think about you, I end up telling myself that I can. I said I wouldnt fall again, trust again, believe again. When it comes to you, it's as though I don't even have a choice. I just fall, trust and believe. This is not me. I don't know who this person is; this person that says something and does another. I don't recognize her. She smiles without a reason to. She runs into walls lost in thought. She always wants to call or text you, and wishes its you when her phone goes off. She loves without a peice of herself. This girl? No. I don't know her. I recognize the me that says I won't do something, and stick to it. The me that makes my choices. The me that gets irritated at every couple of texts. The me that always loves half-heartedly because of the fear of getting hurt. That's the me I know.
    No one has ever made me feel like I am another person in a happier world that I constantly long to be in. You would make me feel that way, and STILL be a stranger. I don't get what it is with you. You take me halfway, the let me walk the rest of the road alone. Why would you start the walk with me if you don't intend to cross the finish line with me? Why would you take my hand and not hold it? Why would you make me stand and not be my support? Why would you make me love, and then hurt me? I wish I understood. But every time I wish, you remind me.. It's only a wish.
   It's been an eternity of trying to figure out what it is with us. An eternity suggests the longest time I can think of. I keep telling myself time will tell - my feelings and reality - but you know, there's only so much time tells, before I have to listen to my head, and quit following my heart. My heart brings out the person in me that I don't recognize. My head brings out the me in me that I know. And even though my heart keeps telling me to give it another shot, my head is saying it's not worth the fall again. If I ever told myself that I couldn't move on, you were the one thing I needed to prove to me that I could.
   I'm not bitter, mad, or angry. I'm just hurt, but I'm learning to live each day as it comes, knowing that nothing really lasts forever. I knew that I was wishing on a star that was not going to fall, but I wished anyway, hoping that if it was worth it, I could go get it. For so long I thought it was worth it, and chose to believe it, but hey, the best things in life are totally free, and whatever comes at a price, I definitely do without. Easy said? Certainly. Easy done? Not the slightest bit. But I've learned to accept my pain, and fight through it, because from this pain comes the will and power to move on.
    I'm not going to say that I can move on in the blink of an eye. I can't. I'm not going to say that I can think about my life without you in it. I can't. I'm not going to say that I will forget you, and everything I've been through because of you. Not happening. What I can comfortably say is, I'm slowly acquiring the ability to live without the people that I love. My first teacher was death. My second has been you.

There's one true confession that my soul bleeds to reveal.

Good-bye.... Stranger
Please remain a stranger to me... FOREVER. :-)

That's Stranger Part II... as i do it.

~***shanpepe***~

[Keep up with 'The Stranger Series'... Find part I in my archive!]
Photo credit: http://www.layoutsparks.com/1/196158/i-miss-you-42-1.html

Love Quotes by Papa Jack

Papa Jack is the famous DJ who gives love advice to his callers who have love problems via his number one radio show, TLC or True Love Conversations and Wild Confessions airing at Love Radio every Mon-Fri, 9PM to 2AM. Here are some of his love advice and popular Tagalog love quotes:

1. "Kung matagal ka ng nagho-hold on sa isang tao at wala pa ding nangyari, hindi let go ang solusyon dyan. Acceptance." -Papa Jack

2. "Mahal mo, mahal ka rin naman, tapos papakawalan mo? Tanga ka, tanga ka.. hindi masama ang ipaglaban siya. Hindi yung magpaparaya ka. Tao lang tayo, hindi tayo superheroes na magpaparaya para sa iba." -Papa Jack

3. "Ang nakakapikon na part, may ginawa siyang kalokohan, mahal mo pa din naman." - -Papa Jack

4. "Ugali ng mga lalaki ang mang-iwan. Yung mga tipong malapit ka ng maka-move on, biglang magpaparamdam... at mang-iiwan ulit." -Papa Jack

5. "Kung hindi na kayang panindigan hanggang sa huli, huwag nang simulan." -Papa Jack

6. "Yung mga linyang 'Kahit na magkahiwalay tayo ngayon, sana tayo parin sa huli.' ay isang malaking katarantaduhan. Kung ganun pala, sana pinaglaban mo na para naman walang masayang na panahon. Parang lokohan naman kasi 'yon." -Papa Jack

7. "Sometimes we sit down at merong isang tao na pumapasok sa isip natin, yet hindi natin malaman kung sino ba siya. Ang alam lang natin ay may nami-miss tayo o may hinahanap tayo. Ang alam lang natin life is not complete right now without that person. Kung hindi mo pa alam kung sino siya, dont worry time will come makikilala mo rin siya. And you will be glad that you waited for that person. And when you find him/her, alagaan mo siya, wag mo ng pakawalan. Dahil tandaan mo, you waited for him for so long." - -Papa Jack

8. "Huwag mong sabihin sa ex mo na andyan ka lang kapag nag-aaway sila ng partner niya. Ending n'yan, magiging kabit ka." -Papa Jack

9. "Kung mabigat na mabigat na ang dibdib mo at hindi mo na kaya, iiyak mo yan para maka-move on ka agad. Huwag kang magpanggap na masaya at malakas sa iba kung hindi naman talaga." -Papa Jack

10. "Hindi kasi enough na mahal mo lang siya. Dapat may kasamang trust." -Papa Jack

11. "Hindi mo pwedeng hanapin sa ibang tao 'yung nahanap mo sa una." -Papa Jack

12. "Pwede tayong magmahal ng sabay-sabay, pero hindi pantay-pantay." -Papa Jack

To ask for a love advice, call Papa Jack at TLC/Wild Confession (Metro Manila callers only): 832-6171

Free NDD calls to TLC/Wild Confession (outside Metro Manila callers only): 1-800-10-100-LOVE (1-800-10-100-5683)

TO SEND A TEXT MESSAGE:
LOVERADIO [space] TLC [space] MESSAGE [space] NAME/AGE/LOCATION and send to 2600

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ASK YOURSELF...

... are you celebrating your success, or someone else's failure?

       If you know anything about me and sports, I am literally the biggest fan of the Golden Tornado Basketball and Volleyball teams. [If you don't know who the golden tornado's are, google them.] I was at a volleyball game yesterday, and the girls were battling for the 1st position in the PAC [President's Athletic Conference] with the Bethany College Bisons. As usual, I sit there, and pray all through the game for these girls. Minus having a relationship off the court with some of them, volleyball has always been one of my favorites. We won the first game 25-19, and I was like well, expected. you know. Our girls kick ass. The second game, we lost 25-16. That was when I realised that this was actually a battle. I didn't stop praying. Third game, we won 25-19 and the fourth we won 25-15. LIKE #BAWSES.
     This was an amazing win! The Bisons had an overall record of like 24 wins and 3 losses before they played The Golden Tornadoes, and we had lost to them before. It was much more than a good feeling to win this one. Besides, when the Bison girls started to cheer, they were loud and annoying. There were certainly moments when I was totally ticked off by their loud and veryyyy annoying cheers, and wished I could somehow shut them up. I didn't really need to though. Us winning was definitely enough to quiet them down after, and that made me happy. But as I walked away from the gym yesterday evening, it somehow crossed my mind to ask myself what I was most happy about - That our girls won, or that the Bisons lost. Trsut me, they are not the same thing.
     You see, life is a very unfortunate adventure sometimes. It just happens that wherever there is a competition, there has to be a winner, and there has to be a loser. It is naturally ingrained in our human nature to want to be the best at everything and win. Therefore, everyone wants to win. Winning is the good side.Winning is what brings all the good feelings and senses of accomplishment. Winning is everythinG. [capital 'g' there is intentional]. However, do you ever take time to understand the mindset you have after winning? Yes, you won, and that is something to be happy about. But are you also happy at another man's loss? Think about it carefully. There are also times when you will lose. Losing is the bad side. No one wants to lose to anyone else. Losing brings feelings of inadequacy, and senses of failure. I won't say losing is nothing [you'll understand if you read my last post], but losing isn't half of what winning is. You lose, and that is nothing to be happy about. Think about the mindset you have after you lose. Are you sad that they won, or sad that you lost? Think about it carefully. You see how it's different?
     It's important to realise that life is a snafu. Things go up and the very next moment their right back down. You can never predict the happenings of life, and therefore, can never be all time winning or all time losing. Because of this, it is very significant that you understand what mindset you have when you're winning or when you're losing, because you never know where you're going to be next. As I walked on court to congratulate the GT's and celebrate with them, I looked over to my right, and the Bison's were in a circle, I'm guessing with their coach in the middle saying something to them. For a moment I felt a little for them. And don't get me wrong, I was anything more than happy that our girls won, but a part of me still felt that compassion for this other team. Failure is not easy for anyone, especially great people, and you only realise that when you can step into their shoes and feel it yourself.
      You by no means, have to put out someone's light to make yours shine brighter. If you're a winner, be happy that you won, and don't have the mindset of focusing on the loss of the other person. You may be the next person to maybe not even only step in the shoes of failure, but as much as walk in them. If you lose, don't  have the mindset that focuses on the negative feelings toward the winner. Focus on yourself and what you can do to get better and improve. You may be the next person to maybe not even only step in the shoes of success, but walk in them.
      I just thought somebody needed to know this.

That's all about asking yourself ...as i do it.

~***shanpepe***~

From A Mother With Love Funny Redneck Jokes | Funny Jokes

From A Mother With Love


Dear Child,

I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.

Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.

They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it Mom.

Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.


From A Mother With Love Funny Redneck Jokes | Funny Jokes

Only three doors Funny Blonde Jokes | Silly Jokes

Only three doors
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"

The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

Only three doors Funny Blonde Jokes | Silly Jokes

Watch Dogs Funny blonde Jokes | Funny Jokes | Stupid Blonde jokes

Watch dogs

A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs,
And asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'Hellooooo......' answered the blond.
'I bought them as watch dogs!'


Watch Dogs Funny blonde Jokes | Funny Jokes | Stupid Blonde jokes

The blonde kidnapper Funny Blonde Jokes | Funny Jokes

The blonde kidnapper

This blonde woman was having financial troubles, when she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note:

I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow by 7 AM.
Signed - "The Blonde"

She pinned the note inside the boy’s jacket and told him to go straight home.The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Also inside the bag was the following note:
"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."

The blonde kidnapper Funny Blonde Jokes | Funny Jokes

Blonde house coating funny blonde jokes | Funny Blonde Jokes

Blonde house coating funny blonde jokes
One day a blonde decides that she is so sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said…FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.

Blonde house coating funny blonde jokes | Funny Blonde Jokes

Not in this office funny blonde jokes | dirty blonde jokes

A blonde, a brunette and a red head are in the copy room of their office building when the red head goes over to the corner of the room.

She stands with a puzzled look on her face for a second then says 'This looks like a semen stain'.

The brunette walks over to look as well as touch the stain. She says 'Looks and feels like semen.'

The blonde comes over, looks at, touches, then tastes the stain. She says 'looks like it, feels like it and tastes like it, but it's not from any man in this office.'


Not in this office funny blonde jokes | dirty blonde jokes

How many States - Funny Kid jokes - Silly kid jokes

How many States - Funny Kid jokes
Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

One lad raised his hand and said, 'Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.'

Cat won't eat - Funny Blonde Jokes - Dirty Jokes

Cat won't eat

A blonde woman strode angrily into the large store, slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.

The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"

The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that 'Pussy Treats' are for cats?"

Cat won't eat - Funny Blonde Jokes - Dirty Jokes

Who Was Buddha

The word ‘Buddha’ is a title, which means ‘one who is awake’ — in the sense of having ‘woken up to reality’. The Buddha was born as Siddhartha Gautama in Nepal around 2,500 years ago. He did not claim to be a god or a prophet. He was a human being who became Enlightened, understanding life in the deepest way possible.

Buddhism is one of the great religions of the world. Most of its followers live in Sri Lanka, China, Japan, Korea, and Thailand, but there are Buddhists everywhere. The founder of this religion was Prince Gautama Siddhartha, born to luxury. One day, as he left his palace he saw three men, one very sick, one very old, and one dead. Very disturbed by this evidence of man’s suffering, he began to wonder how man might find true and lasting happiness. He fasted and meditated as he sought the answer. One day, as he sat under a fig tree, which became known as the Bo Tree, or tree of enlightenment, he suddenly saw clearly that the cure for all unhappiness lay in a mastery of one’s self and one’s selfish desires. He set out to teach his discovery to the world.

As Buddha, “the Enlightened One,” he wandered through India with his disciples for more than forty years, teaching the people how to find true happiness. The followers of Buddha came to consider him a god and set up images of him and worshiped them. But Buddha himself didn’t believe there was a supreme god. He believed and taught that the soul of man passes after death to a higher or lower organism, according to his good or bad deeds during life. This transmigration of the soul into another body goes on through many cycles until all desire is overcome. Then the soul enters Nirvana, or a state of perfect peace. In order to reach this State, man must follow the Eight-Fold Path of Right Faith, by observing Right Intention, Right Speech, Right Conduct, Right Livelihood, Right Effort, Right Thinking, and Right Meditation.

EVERY BROKENNESS, EVERY SCAR

You know... or not. No, you don't know. But I'll tell you.

Sometimes I get in the shower just because I want to cry. Not even you can tell your tears apart from water in the shower. Sometimes someone else gets the job over me. Sometimes I sit to talk to God, and I can only ask questions that I never seem to get answers to. Sometimes I stand in the rain hoping it would wash away all those memories that I want to get rid of. Sometimes I'm all alone even when I could do with the least bit of company. Sometimes I watch those sad tragic movies, and feel like I'm watching a reflection of myself. Sometimes I just need to talk but that's when everyone is busy.
        Don't be so quick to judge me though. Everyone has some of those moments. Those moments when things go terribly wrong and don't seem to ever get better, and neither crying yourself to sleep, or believing what helps you sleep at night works. It's kinda depressing that all those times that you wish you would forget are the ones that never really take the back seat in your head. They sit in front as a constant reminder to all the pain, hurt, and distressing stuff you've been through. They torment you with all the terrible memories, when you'd rather want them buried off somewhere that even you can't find them. We end up being enemies to these memories and negative times in our lives, and all we can really think about is what we were like before these situations, and what we are like right now, after them - the shift from wholeness to brokenness, and beauty to scars. No one wants to remember that they were once whole, and now are broken, or once beautiful, and now are all scarred.
        As human beings we make everything negative, negative. It's not in our human nature to make anything negative, positive. However, right in the middle of deep brokenness and the most obvious scars, there's the most beautiful story. Your story. Call me insane or naiive, or believe it. Think about those people with a former drug and alcohol addiction, or eating disorder, or depression, or someone that has had an abortion, or someone that has been sexually abused. Have you ever wondered how these people ever rise out of those positions to tell their stories to hugeee numbers of people? Think about it. Every little time that you've cried yourself to sleep, or been hurt by someone you loved, or lost a friend, a mother, a loved one, or felt like the world everyone else was living in was different, or been the victim in any form or situation; ALL those times have played a vital role in building the strength in the person that stares back at you when you look in the mirror. The book of your life, your story, and ultimately YOU, would be incomplete without all the chapters of hurt, pain and distress. The reason you are able to stand in all the strength that you do, is not because you hate what has happened to you, and don't ever want to remember it. It is because you embrace every little bit of it, and tell yourself that you want to rise above it, and become the best person that you can be.
         There is grandeur in every brokenness, and splendor in every scar - physical or emotional. And that grandeur and splendor is you taking something undesirable and destructive, and turning it into strength that cannot be explained, and a story that has to be told! It's most certainly easier said than done, but instead of liking the person that you are - one that just takes whatever comes like it comes, love the person that you have the potential to be - the person that makes greatness of brokenness, and splendor of scars. Why? Because there's a little bit of you in every brokenness and every scar, and once you make greatness and splendor out of them, you make greatness and splendor out of who you are.
        So you see, wounded and pained? Yes. Broken and shattered to pieces? Absolutely. However, instead of looking at myself and remembering how flawless I used to be, I take another look and see how far I've come. It took all the hurt and suffering to become what I've become. Now, I'm more than content because with God, I've emerged the most beautiful person from all that I have been through....Only because I realized that there's a little bit of me in every brokenness and every single scar. :-)

That's every brokenness, and every scar... as i do it.

~***shanpepe***~